雅思寫作觀點論證角度（雅思寫作批改如何把一個）

2023-05-30 23:27:02

雅思寫作觀點論證角度?各位學霸們好，今天黃老師給大家帶來一位學生的雅思大作文作業批改片段，學生目標分數6.5分，我來為大家科普一下關於雅思寫作觀點論證角度?下面希望有你要的答案，我們一起來看看吧!

雅思寫作觀點論證角度

各位學霸們好，今天黃老師給大家帶來一位學生的雅思大作文作業批改片段，學生目標分數6.5分。

練習文章如下：

Some people say that young people are more influenced by their friends than parents or teachers. Agree or disagree?

練習片段（論點句）：Friend are the same in their ages. They are easier to have the same hobbies. Also, they have common topics to talk about. So that, their friend’s thinking and behavior will impact them.（評分：5分 - 主要原因：句型過於簡單）

黃老師點評：這是典型的簡單句疊加句型。對於目標分數在6分或者以上的學生來說一定需要避免，黃老師的建議是：論點句的邏輯鏈一定要一句話寫完，不要把一個完整的邏輯鏈拆分成兩三句話或者更多。

1

解題思路分析

那麼首先，我們來合併前兩句話：(使用：and並列結構)

Friends are in the same age and easier to have the same hobbies.

然後，我們來合併後兩句話：（使用：，which定語從句）

Also, they have common topics to talk about, which means their friend’s thinking and behavior will impact them.

下一步，我們來把整條邏輯鏈合併：（使用：because狀語從句）

Because friends are in the same age and easier to have the same hobbies, they have common topics to talk about, which means their friend’s thinking and behavior will impact them.

然後，我們來進行點題：（題幹核心詞young people並未在論點中出現）

Because friends are in the same age and easier to have the same hobbies, they have common topics to talk about, which means the thinking and behavior of youngsters 'friends will impact them. (6分水平)

最後，我們把詞彙加工一下：（如果需要7分的同學則需要這一步）

Because friends are in the same age and have the same hobbies, it is easy for adolescent to share common topics with their peers, which means the mindset and behavior of whoever youngsters surround themselves with can have a profound impact on them.

此處我們用到：（7分則需要一定程度的詞彙複雜度和多樣性，和精確度）

-adolescent & youngsters 替代young people

-peer 替代friends

-share 替代have

-mindset 替代 ideas

-名詞性從句whoever youngsters surround themselves with再次替代friends

-profound修飾impact

2

題目總結

最後，黃老師總結一下：

1.論點的邏輯鏈必須用一句話寫完。

2.題幹的核心詞必須在論點點題

3.重複/簡單詞對於目標分數6分以上的學生來說必須替換